The mother, thought to be from the United Kingdom, said she had lost her own mom as a child and was concerned about who would care for her kids if she and her husband were to suddenly pass away.
While her husband’s brother and wife are “lovely people”, who already have two children, she is worried about her children having to uproot their lives by moving to another part of the country.
Instead, she wants her brother to care for her kids, but said his minor learning disabilities mean he struggles with his own self-care, however could cope with additional support funded by money he’d be left in their will.
In the United Kingdom, parents name appointed guardians in their will, who will be called upon to care for their children until the age of 18 in the event of their death.
However, if both parents of a child die before naming a legal guardian for their children in their will, courts will approve who cares for the child, typically selecting a close relative to the deceased.
Taking to Mumsnet under the name Veggiesintheground, she wrote: “I think then losing everything familiar to them - their home, school, neighbors, bedrooms - would be hugely traumatic on top of an already traumatic event. And having to share their home with their cousins, who they aren’t close to because of the distance.
“He does struggle with some aspects of self care, more because he dislikes having to do it than because he can’t do it.”
She explained that her brother is capable of looking after himself, however struggles with motivation and feels with the help of a nanny or housekeeper he would reasonably be able to care for their children.
The mom explained her brother would happily take responsibility for the children, however struggles with lack of motivation, sometimes avoids washing due to autism and sensory issues, can struggle with timekeeping and is susceptible to illnesses such as flu.
The post, which can be read here, received 120 comments, with one user writing: “It doesn’t sound to me as if your DB would be able to cope with two bereaved children. What about wider family or friends?”
“YABU Your brother can’t even take care of himself independently, so how can he take care of two children as a single foster parent? BIL and SIL are the better option presuming their children are happy and healthy,” said another.
A third wrote: “Have you spoken to either of these parties about this? That might also sway your thoughts. But I think your brother who struggles with self-care may not be a good choice. You seem confident that the money you leave behind will make him better with self-care and able to care for your children - this seems like it could be a bit of a leap.”
A fourth commented: “A change of school is nothing compared to the death of your parents! Are you really sure your brother with LD and no experience of taking care of children is a better option than living with their cousins in an existing family setting?”
What would you do? Let us know in the comments.
