Reddit user u/dumbarchitecturereal took to the social media platform on January 20 seeking advice with a post titled: “Husband kept making jokes about how he likes them petite and I may regret my decision to bite back.”

The mom mentioned that she maintained her slender weight of around 94 pounds even after welcoming her child three years ago, noting how much her husband was glad of this. In the post she says she had “no stretch marks much to his happiness and my absolute indifference.”

The family relocated recently, and she explained that the colder weather was encouraging her to eat a bit more, gaining between 8 to 11 pounds. This has led her husband to suggest “it wouldn’t hurt” to do more exercise and that she could even “do some star jumps,” despite the original poster seeing no issue with the change in her weight.

Relationship coach Andrea Dindinger spoke to Newsweek about the difficulty in communicating opinions regarding weight: “When it comes to opinions about your spouse’s body size and weight, it’s a tricky line to navigate.

“To me it sounds like the husband is insecure and instead of naming his insecurities he is criticizing his wife in a very hurtful way. It’s his way of getting her attention, which is likely focused on the child but in a negative way. He’d be better off telling her he loves her, and that he loves how she’s taking care of herself.”

Dindinger went on to say that the original poster “can let her husband know that his comments about her body are hurtful.”

“Ask him how he’s feeling in his body and if he’s feeling insecure in any way,” she suggested.

A 2019 study by Penn State found that husbands who perceived their wives as overweight often led the wife to report a decrease in the marriage quality. The researchers concluded from the data that couples need to be cautious of the unrealistic “contemporary beauty ideals” that people feel obliged to follow, and to be aware of each other’s concerns regarding weight.

In the Reddit post, the mom noted that her husband has always been skinny, so when he made comments about her weight she retaliated and urged him to work out too to fit in more with her ideal figure of a man.

“He has always been underweight/skinny which is not my usual type but I never complained. Now he’s doing push-ups and it looks like I’m going to have to start getting on top of my star jumps. I am fuming,” she wrote.

She ended the post by giving some background information about her health: “I went through a massive illness with anxiety and was hospitalized for malnutrition, so if anything he should be happy I’m being healthy. I’m so confused and upset and stressed about this whole situation.”

Joanna Chodorowska, a holistic sports nutritionist and eating disorder recovery coach about body image issues and how miscommunication can impact them, told Newsweek: “The first thing to resolve is where did this issue start? Has she ever brought it up to him as to how his comments make her feel?

“It could be that her husband has no idea he is saying things that make her feel more self-conscious. But as she strengthens her relationship with herself, she can then start to strengthen the relationship with her husband. Weight will no longer be an issue as long as she is healthy inside and out.”

The post has received 9,800 votes on Reddit and 1,300 comments, which are mostly in support of the mom. Many people quickly pointed out that this woman is already a slim weight for her height, with one person commenting: “You’re 5 ft. 3 and only around 95 pounds? And he wants you thinner? You’re supposed to be at least 100 pounds.”

Another Reddit user gave their thoughts on the situation: “His metric is that he wants to feel bigger than her. It’s a normal thing for men who like petite women to like the feeling of being so much bigger, it makes you feel like a big brute. The problem is that he’s not. He’s skinny and, because he wants to be bigger than her, he’s asking her to stay underweight.”

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