These visits have become increasingly frequent, leaving the woman feeling “unsettled” at the thought of having a stranger in her home.
The dilemma surfaced in a social media post shared to Mumsnet by a user writing under the handle PonderingAIBU, who claims to currently share a property with two lodgers.
Renting out a spare room may provide an additional source of income to a homeowner, but it may not always go to plan.
In a 2021 survey of property owners who rented out a room to a lodger, just under one in four admitted they had regrets about doing so.
According to the research, which was conducted by the property website homes.com, 17.6 percent of those who expressed regrets cited the fact they wished they had spent more time screening tenants.
Meanwhile, 15.6 percent wished they had formed better relationships with tenants while 5.2 percent said they wished they abstained from renting out a room in the first place.
While the property owner posting online hasn’t quite reached that stage yet, trouble appears to be brewing with one of her lodgers.
She said in the past both have asked if they can have family to stay and she’s always been “totally happy with that from time to time.”
The problems started when one of the lodgers got a new boyfriend. According to the homeowner, the first time he stayed over, she “announced” it “without asking or discussing” how they might feel.
Since then he’s been staying “2 nights a week” and she’s become increasingly bothered at the fact that’s been happening without her lodger giving her “a heads up or asking if that’s okay first.”
“I feel a bit unsettled with someone I don’t know wandering around…when I’m working from home or him sitting in the kitchen (by himself),” she wrote. It’s left her often “wondering how long he’ll be staying” and if she will be free to walk around the house in peace.
Though she appreciates her lodger is paying rent and “entitled to start a new relationship,” she said she felt it would be nice to “know who is in our home and feel safe and consulted.”
Those following the thread on social media were inclined to agree. “It’s your home, of course you aren’t being unreasonable,” DramaAlpaca said. “Time to get assertive and lay down some ground rules.”
QuitWhileAhead, meanwhile, commented: “I wouldn’t want a random guy staying in my house. You are renting a room to a single person.” Elsewhere, FlowerArranger offered a more extreme solution. “Give her notice now.
She is taking advantage,” they wrote. “Next lodger, be very clear about what is and isn’t acceptable. In writing.”
Smineusername, however, disagreed. “2 days a week is not a lot to have a partner stay over,” they said. “This is just something that goes with the territory of renting a room and sharing space. I’d suck it up.”
There could be a more sensible solution to the homeowner’s problem, according to one expert. A spokesperson for SpareRoom, the rooms to rent website, told Newsweek: “It’s always best to have these kinds of conversations before people move in, as most problems can be avoided by setting clear expectations.
“However, that’s not always possible. One approach suggested by a SpareRoom user was what they call ’the boyfriend rule.’ In essence, for every night in a week your lodger has their partner over, they have to spend a night at their partner’s house, so you get some time alone.
“The bottom line though is that you need to feel comfortable in your own home, so sit your lodger down and have that conversation as openly and calmly as you can.”
